When I cry, I punish myself.
I’ve felt like burning myself again. I haven’t done it, but I’ve felt like it. I have no reason too, I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong with my life, if anything it’s better than it’s ever been, but for some reason, for some stupid unknown reason my skin craves the heat of a lighter and my thumbs ache to flick the switch and start the flame and my mind, my...
Sometimes I wish I could be murdered, so I could die and not feel guilty about committing suicide.
It was different this time..I’m not sure how, it just was. We’ve fucked plenty of times, meaningless fucking though, and that’s all it was. Friends with benefits. But this was the first time since we admitted we liked each other. To be honest I expected it to be the hardest we’d ever fucked, given how long it had been since we’d fucked, but it wasn’t. This time...
I kinda need you.
Idk, I just feel kinda empty..everything’s ending and everyone is leaving and going their separate ways, and I just need someone too say that they’ll stay with me wherever I go, which I know it a stupid thing to need or expect at 16, but still ><
Idk, it’s just nice too have a friend to talk to about stuff and know that no matter what I say or do they’ll love my unconditionally, and it’s not got any complicated girly-bitchyness cause he’s a guy and it’s just simple. It’s nice to talk all day about nothing and everything and just laugh over stupid little things.
I want to die, but I don’t want to kill myself. I want to get hit by a car, or get a disease, or get murdered. But I want more than that. I want to disappear off the face of this earth, for everyone’s memories of me to go, I want to leave without having to say goodbye, because I don’t want to hurt anybody. This is why I cannot die; because there are people that rely on me, and I...
That was me before I met you, I see that girl, the one in the photographs, her smile isn’t broken, isn’t posed, isn’t fake, I see that twinkle in her eyes, the excitement she has for all ahead of her, All I see is love.
You’re neither the best or the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and you’re not lukewarm either, nothing I associate to you is in any way lukewarm. I guess I would say you’re a nice thing that happened to me. Not the best, but not by any means the worst.